Hip Hop Loves Unprotected Sex

I love hip hop. It’s undoubtedly my favourite genre. And despite being a short white girl, it really speaks to my experience. I don’t get offended when they talk about bitches and hoes, and I don’t get on board when people moan about hip hop artists being bad role models. Oh course they’re bad role models. Even if they were rapping about staying in school they’re still making millions of dollars from talking quickly.

But despite all this, recently I’ve become increasingly worried for my favourite musicians. I don’t lose sleep over the commercialisation of the business, or it’s rampant appropriation into the mainstream; I’m biting my nails about the health of my favourites. Have you listened to hip hop lyrics lately? Fuck street violence, I’m worried about VD.

Although their wellness advice is less than sparkling at the best of times, one area of expertise really stands out as being under evolved: safe sex. For a group obsessed with being tough and loving their dicks, they are not taking great care of them.

“Versace”, Migos ft. Drake

My descent into genital concern was sparked by Migos’ latest track “Versace” when Drake raps, “I’m tryna give Halle Berry a baby and no one can stop me.”

It’s safe to assume Drake isn’t talking about an immaculate conception here, both the participants in this proposed act gave up their “virgin birth” qualifications several years, and (I assume) many Cruisers ago. No, we’re talking about unprotected sex with a stranger here. Although you have to give him an A for enthusiasm, considering Berry is a babe and already heavily pregnant, I’m immediately concerned.

Come one Drake, beyond wondering if you’re ready to be a dad to a woman whose exes have a tendency to kick the shit out of each other, unprotected sex results in more than babies. No doubt Berry is a class act, but even class acts get the clap.

“Shabba”, ASAP Ferg

If I had to sacrifice one of the A$APs to sexually transmitted horrors, it would be Rocky. So when I watched ASAP Ferg’s clip for Shabba I was legitimately worried about his claim, “I got a girl, I ain't never got no fuckin' condoms, If she caught me, then that bitch would be pissed off.”

Common Ferg, you’re a smart guy—I can tell because you’re wearing a post coital t-shirt in the clip. I really appreciate you’re concerned with catching the sniffles after boning, but maybe you should think about what you can catch from an adult woman wearing friendship bracelets.

“Bandz A Make Her Dance”, Juicy J

Now Juicy J does drop a few hints that the young lady in this song is probably living life in the loose lane. Lines like: “The stripper pole her income”, “Bend it over, Juicy J gone poke it like wet paint” and, “And it ain't a strip club if they ain't showing pussy,” don’t paint the subject in the best light. But just because a girl is a stripper doesn’t mean she doesn’t book a smear test with the best of them.

In fact when I originally put this song on my “risky sex” list I scolded myself: strippers aren’t crab laden stereotypes, they’re women like you, but with upper body strength. Then I listened back to it and noted, “You say no to ratchet pussy, Juicy J can't”. Come on Juicy; if everyone is avoiding a “rachet pussy”, it’s probably not a great time to buck the trend and strike out on your own.

“Pop That” French Montana (Lil Wayne’s verse)

It’s almost not worth putting Lil Wayne on this list. His lyrics aren’t suggesting a lax attitude towards sexual health anywhere near as much as his face is. It’s actually hard to point out what section of lyrics is more worrying. “Okay I fuck a bitch and I’m gone” raises serious concerns that he’s not putting in the time with these ladies to inquire about their sexual health and history. This might seem a bit pedantic, but with later reflections like, “Your girl is a groupie” I feel like I have legitimate reason to believe that these girls have been around the block and might have picked something up.

And Wayne, when you say, “I lose my mind before I lose my bitch,” and “Motherfucker I’m on my skateboard“, it makes me worried you’re getting too swept up in the moment to make sure a prophylactic is present.

Finally, not to get too graphic, but the enthusiastic boasts of: “I make that pussy spit like bone”, “Pop that pussy like a zit”, and “Then beat that pussy like Klitschko”, suggests that rough sex is being engaged in. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, but if proper precautions aren’t being made and a lesion is introduced into things you just opened up Pandora’s grotty box of genital infections.

“Bugatti (Remix)”, Ace Hood

Whoa, whoa, whoa, forget about sex let’s start with the irresponsibly needle use in this song. You, “woke up in a new Bugatti, Tats all over my body”—who did them? Was the needle second hand? Did the guy wear gloves? Come on Ace Hood, this is basic stuff. Considering you don’t care about where the tattoos came from or who gave them to you I don’t feel very confident about the rest of the night.

First up you flaunt, “And I been hit your ho, now she back on my dick,” so you’re sharing women with your friends; which I’m actually not immediately against. At least you know where everyone’s been. Although in this situation that’s a bad thing considering you proceed that claim with, “I'm shittin' on rappers, these rappers is sick”. I assume you’re using the term “sick” as a colloquialism, but you know what Ace? After that needle scare who the fuck knows what you have picked up.

“You Don't Even Know It”, Rocko (Rick Ross verse)

Rick Ross, judging by the much publicised date rape claims in this song I can probably assume you’re not worrying too much about the long term health of your urethra these days. Moving past the obviously disturbing claim of, “put molly all in the champagne, you don't even know it”, let focus on, “I took her home and I enjoy that, she ain't even know it”. You’ve just told me two things: Firstly it seems like my favourite fat man is a bit of a rapist, and secondly if that girl was carrying something you just blew your chance to find out about it the easy way.

“Cracks In Mr. Perfect” Ne-Yo

First up Ne-Yo, I get you’re not as cool as you once were; but I have a definite soft spot for you. I really enjoyed your NPR interview, it was pretty endearing. Although all this does is make me more disappointed by, “ I ain't got a condom here (Oh no), Too lazy to run to the store (And it's cold outside)”. What would Terry Gross say?

You know what makes this worse Ne-Yo? You know better! I know you do because you follow that poor reasoning with, ”But you just met her three hours ago, Says the angel on my shoulder, See but the devil he could talk real loud, And on my decision I'm not proud.”

All these other guys have a mix of intoxication and legitimate lack of awareness of the dangers of casual unprotected sex to blame. But you Ne-Yo, you clearly state you understand your actions but are just too lazy to do right by your wang.

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